Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
