addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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