No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
