That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
