Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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