Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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