saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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