So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
