I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
