After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
