Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Randomize
