that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
