Non-Jews are for practice
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
