So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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