It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
