Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
