I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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