I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The air was thick with penises
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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