We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
