Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
