Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
