You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
