i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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