FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
