I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
