I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
