we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize