do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She's the barista slut.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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