How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize