bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
