Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
