Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
