Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
