My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize