my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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