Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
