You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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