yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
