We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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