when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
this hospital has no fireball
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
