I puked a lego.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
