Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
