Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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