): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
