I'm gonna have a badass scar
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
