I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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