My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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