I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
time to smoke my breakfast
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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