I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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