I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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