I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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