You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
