I will die if light touches me.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
