he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
