very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
