Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
