I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
