im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
