Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
