His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
