just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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