I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
