my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
