Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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