A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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