Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
