dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
