Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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