The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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