you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
